I started this blog months ago because I really desire to share my story. But I have been stalling for months – uninspired mostly because I was trying to tailor my message for the popular masses. It had become a serious inner conflict. My Higher Consciousness is constantly compelling me to step into my true purpose, to be vulnerable, to trust and take the risks in order to reap the rewards. So it is my responsibility, as a fully conscious being, to look inside myself for the root cause of this pause, this procrastination … this fear. It is the only way to reach the next tier of my amazing journey of Self discovery.
I was raised in the Christian faith, like most of the Western world. Christian-dom generally holds itself separate and above all other faiths and belief systems. In order to be Christian, you must believe that Christianity is the ONLY way to God and all other belief systems are false. This program of Christian supremacy was dispelled in fourth grade when I attended an elementary school that equally represented many cultures and religions. I had friends of different backgrounds and faiths. I experienced all of the ways spirit connects to other spirits despite the socially perceived differences. I discovered as a child that there is an invisible and inevitable thread that connects Us ALL. This deep knowing followed me into adulthood and it stirred a desire to find the ways we all connect – all of the cultures and creeds on this planet. Most of us that believe in a higher power, believe that humans all originate from one all-powerful Source Creator – God. This quest for the Source of all creation, eventually lead me away from Christianity and to my current expression of Universal Spirituality.
As a society, we are so attached to labels and give them great meaning. I am not attached to labels, but for this purpose, I’ll list a few categories I could fall under: Lightworker, Energetic Healer, Shaman, Mystic, Pleiadian Starseed, Intuitive, Witch – and probably a host of other labels in different languages. Though each one of these labels or practices do not exclude Christianity as valid, most of these would be harshly judged and discounted by Christians. They are considered pagan and immoral. Human is the one label I will own because it is always true. No matter the man made divisions we impose on ourselves – we are ALL human beings. I accept that I will lose Christian connections in my life, in exchange for stepping into the light of my sovereign truth and journey. This is about me expressing my Humanness, while detaching myself from the need for validation from outside sources. OOOOOOO … that feels sooo good!!!
As I am typing these words, I am moving through the barriers in my mind that were keeping me stuck. Ego is an element I choose to address each time she needs attention – each time she needs reminding that I am in control now. I like to personify my Ego, as she is a constant subconscious voice and separate from my Conscious Self. I see my ego like an immature unhealed version of myself. She wears a comfy robe and slippers, she’s kind of dishevelled and she has tissue for blowing her runny nose. She is stuck in the familiarity of old programs and patterns. Ego keeps finding sneaky ways to pacify me into “the safe zone” or into never pushing beyond my limits. I figure, there must be something magnificent waiting for me on the other side of the “Wall of the UNKNOWN”, because Ego has been putting up such resistance to moving forward. As I know, this procrastination and stagnation in creative flow is a manifestation of fear. So what is this big fear Ego is coddling now?
While feeling around in my lower chakras for the imbalances, there are quite a few fears lurking. To list a few big ones, there’s fear of rejection, fear of being accepted for myself, fear of being alone, fear of feeling exposed, fear of the responsibility of actualizing my dreams, fear of the unknown next step. Ohhhhh, no wonder. While trying to protect me from unknown dangers (that don’t exist in real time), my Ego is also holding a low and heavy vibration in my energy fields. I must remember that Ego is only capable of drawing from past memories and experiences to predict possible future outcomes. Ego is so familiar (a life long companion for better or for worse) and it’s hard sometimes to distinguish between the voice of Ego and the voice of my Divine Inner Knowing aka my Intuition. I must first notice Ego stirring and then quiet that distracting, but familiar voice, to clearly hear the wisdoms and guidance of my Divine Inner Knowing.
After a long hiatus, I reappeared on social media newly awakened and ready to spread the word. All anyone saw was the substantial weight loss. People wanted to know … HOW??? Surgery, Miracle Diet, Illness … HOW??? I wanted to scream from the rooftops – I did it basically FOR FREE just by awakening to my true Self, practicing self love, gratitude and meditation. I aligned my eating habits more with nature and opened myself to Spiritual connection. OH OH! Here comes Ego, swooping in to put on the brakes – “Whoa Whoa – take it easy with all that woo woo stuff. You gotta ease these people into it. If you wanna be able to reach people, you gotta meet them where they are. Speak their language – translate yourself for them.” This alone caused a GIANT PAUSE in my flow. Coming from a place of inauthenticity put stress on my creativity. I was so busy trying to filter myself for my Christian affiliations on social media – the joys of my authentic Spiritual experiences were lost. I allowed ego to lower my vibration. Tsk!Tsk!
Separating myself from my Christian upbringing – especially in the eyes of people who have known me all of my life, is challenging. It’s like a “coming out” scenario where there most certainly follows imminent separation and shunning. So I have been keeping silent with my testimonies that will for sure uplift others. Ego has been successfully convincing me for months that expressing honestly about the amazing transformative happenings in my life will leave me isolated and dejected. This is an illusion, a trick, a low vibration that I am consciously vanquishing with every word I type. I am typing my way through this blockage. I am so grateful for all the ways the Universe has supported my awakening journey and connected me with my tribe. I now enjoy authentic healing relationships and bonds that nourish my soul. I love myself first and foremost – and no longer require other’s validation to feel whole and secure.
Now, it’s time for me to lovingly parent Ego – to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Well … let’s keep it real – Ego is really stubborn. She has been in control for 47 years and her roots are deeply imbedded. Sometimes I gotta use some backbone with Ego and show her I am in charge by JOYOUSLY asserting my steps into my uncharted path – THE GREAT UNKNOWN. Whatever happens is Divine will and I am surrendering to the flow. I am certain that the peaks and the valleys are all for my benefit. I am not meant to translate myself for anyone. I am meant to express from my true core – from my heart center. Those who are meant to receive my transmission … will. My intention is to reach the hearts and consciousnesses of those who need it.
I am blessed to share my love, light and healing with all forms of Spirit. Selfishly, I get a high from helping others discover their own light. But I admit I am partial to the souls who believe there is no redemption and that all hope is lost. My intention is to share the stories of how I found my way out of darkness: deep depression, self loathing, suicidal tendencies, alcoholism, drugs abuse, domestic abuse, homelessness and all of the health issues that accompany someone who feels separated from themselves and Source Creator.
Today, I don’t boast to have all the answers. In fact, I am peaceful in the NOT KNOWINGNESS, because I am secure in my Divine guidance and protection. But I will say that I now have the answers to the great cliffhangers Christianity left for me to decode. To list a few in no particular order – Why Am I here? What is the purpose of this life/existence? What happens after we die? Is there such a thing as reincarnation? How can I achieve peace beyond all understanding? How can I pray effectively and feel more connected to God? Can I really speak things into existence? Are angels real and what is their purpose? Does God cast away his children because of their sexuality or chosen identity? If God hates sin and I have done so many things wrong – How will He ever forgive me? I found the answers to all of these questions and more by “going within” – which at this point is so overused, it sounds cliche. But in gaining a deep understanding of my Self – my Divine Inner Being, I have in return gained a peace I have never experienced in all of my years on this planet. I have been developing and cultivating this inner stillness daily since my Spiritual awakening in March of 2020.
To anyone reading this, thank you for sharing in this forward moving energy with me. I make my vow that you will see me more often. We are all forms of Divine Spirit navigating a very dense human reality right now. I would love to learn about you and share the real day by day stuff – the challenges and the wonderful upgrades of this Human journey. There are so many things happening around the globe and the energies are all over the place. My soul is seeking those who choose NOT to live in fear, but who are seeking the path to Freedom from the controlled norms and programs of society. Free thinkers who strive to live Consciously … in unison with Mother Gaia in restoring the Oneness of all forms of Spirit on the planet. Love, Light and Wellness to you all! Namaste.