This picture takes me back to my feelings the day my son graduated from Tinley Park Highschool in 2010. It should have been one of the best days of my life. Unfortunately, my pride and excitement was eclipsed by feelings of anxiety and shame. Though my son has always been loving and protective of me, I deeply felt I was an embarrassment to him.
If only I could go back and lovingly counsel that version of myself. So much time was wasted while I resided in the prison of my mind. Comparing myself with “popular images of beauty”, hating my body, silently condemning myself for my weakness. “Like attracts like” and my self loathing perpetuated a vicious cycle. Now, I see so clearly why it was so hard for me to lose weight and maintain the results.
A few of you know me from this time in my life. So excited to be in the Nursing Program while trying to manage my heaviest weight – 397lbs. A nursing advisor who had gastro-bypass surgery advised me to follow in her footsteps. I saw hope in that prospect because I felt absolutely trapped in my body – helpless and frustrated. As it turned out, I was not a good candidate for surgery because of abdominal scar tissue. Now I see it as a blessing in disguise. But in those moments … I thought I was out of options. I had tried so many diets without success and I was in constant joint pain. “Why even try to lose this weight???” It felt like all of the odds were against me.
The FIRST AND MOST CRITICAL PART OF MY TRANSFORMATION was learning to TRULY love and accept myself JUST AS I AM. In 2020, that meant looking in the mirror with love and compassion for myself. Loving and accepting myself with all of my rolls and excess skin. From that place of Self Love, my healing and transformation began.
If any of this sounds like you, please know you can choose to make small sustainable steps towards change that will FEEL SO GOOD, it will motivate you to keep going. I am proof of that. 💫