For me, Self Love is about wholly accepting myself as I am right now – with all of my flaws and imperfections. It may sound cliché and over used, but I am sure it was the catalyst for my mind, body and spirit transformation. I deeply appreciate My Body for all it has endured on my watch.
Just yesterday morning, I had a moment of “body shaming”. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror before I stepped into the shower and a loud disgusted … “Ughhhhh” flew out of my mouth before I could catch it. I look at My Body nude all of the time – STILL I was somehow unprepared. So in that moment, I made the conscious choice to reprogram my negative outburst by audibly apologizing to My Body. YES … That’s my personal process, because it’s not My Body’s fault I’ve been unconsciously misusing my privileges all of these years.
I’ve come to admire how hard My Body has worked to keep me functioning … despite those years where double chocolate cake, cheesy fries and Harold’s chicken gave me comfort. My aging Body did the best it could to store those excess carbs I indulged. They were meant to be converted into energy for all of the exercise I was SUPPOSED to be doing (and never mustered the energy or will). All of the sugar and empty calories I consumed left me feeling drained, tired and achy. Eating unconsciously provided temporary satiation, along with obesity, joint damage, hypertension and other long term issues.
Over the past decade and a half, I’ve tried Weight Watchers, Nutrasystem, Adkins, Cabbage diets, Gym memberships (I was too embarrassed to use) – the list goes on. The only reason I didn’t get a bypass surgery was because I have scar tissue on my abdomen. I have tried it all and none were sustainable because of my depressed overall state and poor self image.
You will see and hear this repeated a lot from me … Energy generates and attracts the same energy. All of those years of hating My Body, kept me in a depressed state – shame, guilt over my perceived flaws and weaknesses, self isolation, hopelessness … why even try to improve myself? But when I make the daily decision to support My Body as it heals from the trauma I caused, it alchemizes that negative energy into love, acceptance, healing and overall wellness. My energy went through the roof and before I knew it I felt the changes.
The covid lock down forced me to slow down and re- evaluate everything – Especially the way I’ve been treating My Body. I literally began to infuse my whole being with love, I focused on feeling good instead of weight loss. At 280 lbs in February 2020, I thought it was too big of a hill to climb. Gratefully, I now know I WAS WRONG!! I started loving myself, honoring My Body and giving it what it needed. My energy increased, my mental fog cleared and I was naturally motivated to keep feeling better and better. Energy attracts the same energy. Wooooo!!! By the time I thought to weigh myself again, I’d lost 45lbs.
So now I thank My Body often for enduring my years of ignorance because I did not make it easy. I forgive myself for those years I worked against My Body. I celebrate the new partnership I have with Body. Increasingly, I am loving living in my own skin – way more than when I was in my twenties. Those areas of My Body that would usually gross me out, now get extra love and attention.
I’m not saying that Self Love and Self Acceptance are the ONLY transformation tools I use. After losing the first 45lbs, feeling less stress on joints – I am now able to do Yoga, QiGong, Minor weight work and walking. Walking without the assistance of a walker, cane or structure is my new bliss. Truly loving and accepting myself, completely as I Am, was the catalyst for my transformation and is now the tool for maintaining the results. It’s the cure for the most challenging parts of my weight loss journey.
Thank YOU so much for allowing me an avenue to share my journey. Please feel free to comment, ask questions or share with me. I am still growing and evolving and LOVE to learn from others. I am sending Love and Light to YOU ALL!